your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
