I am spending my child support on dildos
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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