It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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