I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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