I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
