i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
