it wasn't lemon gatorade
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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