Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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