Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize