wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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