Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I understand Curling. That high.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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