Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She bit a glass in half.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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