why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
