He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
