Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
