i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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