The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
