I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
