i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
