I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
