You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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