Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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