Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
