are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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