We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
