My liver just broke up with me...
It's Friday. Sex?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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