hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
