I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
