I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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