I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i would punch a child for taco bell
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
