My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize