I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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