i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
