We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize