Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
