She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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