I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
