Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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