Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
