Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
