Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
