she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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