I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
