My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize