Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
