My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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