A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
