that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
