Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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