You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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