i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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