I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize