you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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