We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
