there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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