I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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