then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Every concussion has its silver lining
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize