if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
