Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
