I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
