I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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