I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
