she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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